"Jesus hold you"

        Recently, I had an experience that brought me back to other experiences throughout my life.  I was once again reminded to trust in Jesus.  I felt that by sharing these experiences others might be touched even as I have been.
        About a month ago my husband and I took our 12-year-old daughter in for what looked like a clogged salivary gland.  When we met with the specialist he definitely thought it was exactly that.  He told us to take her in for a CT scan to see where the stone was clogging the duct so that it could be removed, oh and just to make sure this "mass" wasn't cancer.  I was grateful he was being thorough. We took her in for the CT scan and waited a week for the results.  I was confident all was well and when we sat down with the doctor I was not prepared for what he had to tell us.  After reviewing the CT scan, we found out it was in fact not a clogged salivary duct.  It showed abnormal lymph nodes in her jaw, down her neck, and into her upper chest.  He had not planned on the CT showing these results.  It was then that we were told that she needed to have immediate surgery to remove the enlarged lymph nodes to test for cancer.  Being a nurse, I knew exactly what they were looking to rule out, Lymphoma.  I looked at my daughter sitting in that chair, confused and not understanding what the doctor was saying.  I tried to stay positive, but my heart and my mind would not allow me to keep it together.  I kept looking heavenward, praying with all my heart that she did not have cancer.  I had tears in my eyes and my daughter knew there was more going on because she could see it all over my face.  On the way home, I looked out the car window with tears rolling down my cheeks, wondering how life could change for our family so quickly right before my eyes.
        We scheduled the surgery for the following week, which was the earliest the doctor could do it. The night before surgery, I cried and cried.  I kept praying and asking for strength and help to get through this new trial.  I also prayed for a miracle.  I said to God, "I can't do this.  This is one trial I can't do.  Please don't let her have cancer.  Give it to me, not her!"  Right then I heard these words come to my mind, "Jesus hold you!"  I immediately knew what God was telling me right then in that moment.
        12 years ago, when my daughter was born, we had something happen that forever changed our lives.  She was only four days old when one night before going to bed, I was holding her.  Her daddy had just gotten home and I went to hand her to him so he could hold his little girl.  Right then, she went limp and started to turn blue.  I grabbed her from my husband and told him to call 911.  The paramedics were taking too long, I cried and told him we were going to lose her if we didn't get her breathing fast.  The dispatch told my husband what I needed to do to get my daughter breathing again.  CPR.  I quickly did as I was told and as I gave my daughter the second puff of air, she started to breathe once again.  That's when the paramedics walked in. Shaking, I handed them my daughter. 
        Once we were at the hospital, she continued to have "episodes" and we found out that she was becoming apneic because of acid reflux.  They told me, had I not been holding her that night, she would have died.  She would have been a SIDS baby because they wouldn't have known what caused her to stop breathing. They treated her for the reflux and sent us home after five days of being in the hospital.  Once we were home, I was terrified to lay my baby down to sleep.  So I asked my husband to give me a priesthood blessing to help give me comfort.  During this blessing, I had an image come to my mind.  It was an image I will never forget.  In my mind, I saw the Savior walk in my room, pick up my daughter in his arms, and hold her to his chest.  He then said, "Trust in me, I will hold her while you sleep.  I will watch over her and take care of her."  That experience helped me through some very difficult times.  A few months later, I saw this picture in a store and it took my breath away, it was exactly what I had seen in my mind that night.

        A few years went by and my daughter was now two years old.  She started having these things called, "Night terrors."  Every night she would scream and cry in her sleep and I tried and tried to comfort her.  After many nights of this, I went into her room and as I was laying her down for the night I had a thought come to me.  I told her, "Jesus promised me once that he would hold you while you sleep and would always watch over you at night."  She looked at me and smiled.  I promised her that if she got scared to remember that Jesus would be there to help her and hold her.  I tucked her in and went to bed.  That was the first night in a few weeks that she didn't wake up with the 'night terrors'.  In the morning I went into her room.  I was so happy that she had made it through the night without being frightened or scared.  I said, "It looks like you had a good night!"  She quickly said, "Mommy, Jesus hold you!" Each one of my kids at a young age, have always said, "Hold you!" when they wanted me to hold them.  I knew exactly what she was trying to tell me, "Jesus held me!" I cried knowing that once again He really did come and comfort us when we needed him.

I found this picture shortly after the 'night terror' experience and it now hangs in my daughter's room.

        Going through this new trial with my daughter, once again I was reminded to trust in Jesus.  Trust that he would take care of my daughter.  It was the knowledge and comfort I needed in a very difficult time.  The following day, she went into surgery and had three enlarged lymph nodes removed.  They were immediately sent off to test for cancer.  We were told it would take about a week to get the results.  The waiting was the hardest part.
        That night, as I was tucking my daughter into bed, I hugged her tight and told her how much I loved her.  I reminded her to say her prayers and have a good night.  After I went to bed, my phone rang.  It was my daughter.  She tends to do this a lot because she always has "one more thing to say" before going to bed.  She called to tell me that when she was saying her prayers, she remembered a dream she had when she was in surgery that day.  I asked her to tell me about her dream.  She said, "Mom, it was the best dream I've ever had.  The colors were so beautiful and bright.  I remember sitting on Jesus' lap.  I sat on his right knee.  He was comforting me, mom! While I was sitting there, I saw all of these children sitting at His feet, smiling at us. It was so beautiful and amazing!"  I cried and cried and then I proceeded to tell her the story of "Jesus hold you!"  That's when the both of us cried together.  We both knew that Jesus was there doing exactly what he had promised, THE ENTIRE TIME.  He would hold her and watch over her.  We both went to bed that night feeling so much love from our Father in Heaven and Jesus Christ.  It was the strength we needed to get us through whatever might come. 
        A week went by and we finally got the results of the tests from surgery.  We were told that everything came back clear, it was not cancer.  The doctor couldn't explain what had happened.  I feel like we witnessed a miracle.  What I learned most from this experience, the same that I learn from all my trials, is to trust in my Savior and know He is watching over us.  When we feel that life has handed us more than we can handle, turn to Him and He will carry us through those trials that we feel we cannot bare alone.  He loves each of us more than we can comprehend.  He is there for us, if we will just let Him in.  Always remember, "Jesus hold you!" because He will!