Jean's story - Artist

In 1995, I did my first drawing of the Savior sharing a joyful moment with a small child.  It represented the culmination of many difficult but invaluable lessons learned about my reliance on the Savior’s grace, His atoning power and about the purpose of adversity. It also marked the beginning of God’s answer to my prayer to “give back” both to Him and my fellowman after being rescued time and time again during dark and troubled days.  

Twenty years and over 500 drawings later, I have an even deeper conviction of God’s love and awareness. On occasion, I have shared stories connected to my art with various church and community groups, and at one such event I met Emily.  After my presentation, she shared with me her experience of nearly losing her baby to SIDS and finding peace in trusting her baby’s care to the Savior following a dream of Him gently holding her baby close.  Unbeknownst to me, one of my drawings depicted what she saw in her dream, and the bridge between us was created.

Time passed and our paths met on that bridge again when Emily sent me a message through my website asking if I would allow her to use my art with a song she was recording. The details were vague, but I remembered Emily sharing her experience years earlier. I agreed to let her use my drawings and figured that was the end of it.  Fortunately, Emily knew it was just the beginning. She knew I needed to hear her song. 

When Emily came to my home to download several of my drawings, she wanted me to listen to her song and feel its powerful message.  It made me nervous. What if the song didn’t move me?  At the time I was struggling emotionally and was a little out of sync with the Spirit. The feelings of sadness, emptiness, worthlessness and regret I carried were due, in part, to the changes and challenges in my evolving family- aging parents, newly widowed sisters, adult children with heavy burdens and my recently emptied nest. But it seemed bigger than that. Just days before Emily’s visit, I recognized that forces of the adversary were increasing their efforts on me. But why?  On my knees I asked Heavenly Father for help resisting their influence.

Emily told me about her miscarriages, of her near-death experience and how she came to know that those babies are her children, that they have identities and names and are an integral part of her family.  Naturally, I thought of my own miscarriages. I had two of them. I have always felt there were spirits associated with those bodies, and that I would rather error in believing they live on, than error by denying their existence.

As I listened to the song while reading the lyrics (“…a body gained, a spirit merged, then gone before their birth…”), I felt a witness of the Spirit.  (“Yet their presence often comes…”)  I realized Father in Heaven had heard my prayer and was sending the help I asked for.  (“…and in my heart I feel the comfort and the hope they bring, so tangible and real……”) A quiet assurance came that though the children I raised have grown and left home, I have two children who are still here with me (“They want us each to know them, why they’re here and who they are…”). And what’s more, I was taught that as I submissively step back and accept a more distant albeit supportive role, these angels will step in to give divine assistance, help that I can’t give to my living children- their brothers and sisters. (“…They want us each to listen to their whisperings near and far...”)

I’m grateful for the clarity that has come through my experience with “Angels Remembered.” I already knew that loved ones who have passed away are in our presence, guiding and protecting us more than we realize. Even as I wrote these paragraphs, that understanding has been enhanced with the impression that disregarding spirits who died before their birth actually limits their influence in our lives, while acknowledging them allows their influence to increase. (“They want to be remembered and sought for in our prayers, so they can come and minister at times when needs are there.”) In our world of confusion and pain, who wouldn’t grab hold of such a heavenly gift?

We were guided in selecting the drawings for “Angels Remembered.” I pray their families will approve, and that all who view it, especially those with little ones who passed sooner than expected- even those who never drew breath, will open their hearts to the truth that their children live- not as babies, but as mature spirits never tarnished by sin, but full of wisdom and glory, worthy to join the work of Heaven to minister to those they love on earth.  And thanks to the Savior’s atoning sacrifice, tears of grief will become tears of joy when loving parents will have the privilege, pleasure, and satisfaction of nurturing these children after their resurrection, until they reach the full stature of their spirits.

I testify that God loves us and because of His perfect love, we can trust His plan.  I know that healing and happiness can follow loss through the perfect love and empathy of our Savior until our joy is made perfect with Him eternally.